CHAPTER XVII
About nine o'clock, we were escorted to the house of a certain justice not many miles distant from Covent Garden, who no sooner saw the constable enter with a train of prisoners at his heels, than he saluted him as follows: "So Mr. Constable. you are a diligent man. What den of rogues have you been scouring?" Then looking at us, who appeared very much dejected, he continued: "Ay, ay, thieves. I see--old offenders; oh, your humble servant, Mrs. Harridan! I suppose these fellows have been taken robbing your house. Yes, yes, here's an old acquaintance of mine. You have used expedition," said he to me, "in returning from transportation; but we shall save you that trouble for the future--the surgeons will fetch you from your next transportation, at their expense." I assured his worship he was mistaken in me, for he had never seen me in his life before. To this declaration he replied, "How! you impudent rascal, dare you say so to my face? Do you think I am to be imposed upon by that northern accent, which you have assumed? But it shan't avail you--you shall find me too far north for you. Here, clerk, write this fellow's mittimus. His name is Patrick Gaghagan." Here Mr. Jackson interposed, and told him I was a Scotchman lately come to town, descended of a good family, and that my name was Random. The justice looked upon this assertion as an outrage upon his memory, on which he valued himself exceedingly; and strutting up to Jackson, with a fierce countenance, put his hands in his side, and said, "Who are you, sir? Do you give me the lie? Take notice, gentlemen, here's a fellow who affronts me upon the bench but I'll lay you fast, sirrah, I will--for notwithstanding your laced jacket, I believe you are a notorious felon." My friend was so much abashed at this menace, which was thundered out with great vociferation, that he changed colour, and remained speechless. This confusion his worship took for a symptom of guilt, and, to complete the discovery, continued his threats, "Now, I am convinced you are a thief--your face discovers it, you tremble all over, your conscience won't lie still--you'll be hanged, sirrah," raising his voice, "you'll be hanged; and happy had it been for the world, as well as for your own miserable soul, if you had been detected, and cut off in the beginning of your career. Come hither, clerk, and take this man's confession." I was in an agony of consternation, when the constable, going into another room with his worship, acquainted him with the truth of the story; which having learned, he returned with a smiling countenance, and, addressing himself to us all, said. it was always his way to terrify young people when they came before him, that his threats might make a strong impression on their minds, and deter them from engaging in scenes of riot and debauchery, which commonly ended before the judge. Thus, having cloaked his own want of discernment under the disguise of paternal care, we were dismissed, and I found myself as much lightened as if a mountain had been lifted off my breast.