LETTER VII MR. BELFORD, TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ. THURSDAY NIGHT.
I may as well try to write; since, were I to go to bed, I shall not sleep. I never had such a weight of grief upon my mind in my life, as upon the demise of this admirable woman; whose soul is now rejoicing in the regions of light.
You may be glad to know the particulars of her happy exit. I will try to proceed; for all is hush and still; the family retired; but not one of them, and least of all her poor cousin, I dare say, to rest.
At four o'clock, as I mentioned in my last, I was sent for down; and, as thou usedst to like my descriptions, I will give thee the woeful scene that presented itself to me, as I approached the bed.
The Colonel was the first that took my attention, kneeling on the side of the bed, the lady's right hand in both his, which his face covered, bathing it with his tears; although she had been comforting him, as the women since told me, in elevated strains, but broken accents.
On the other side of the bed sat the good widow; her face overwhelmed with tears, leaning her head against the bed's head in a most disconsolate manner; and turning her face to me, as soon as she saw me, O Mr. Belford, cried she, with folded hands--the dear lady--A heavy sob permitted her not to say more.
Mrs. Smith, with clasped fingers, and uplifted eyes, as if imploring help from the only Power which could give it, was kneeling down at the bed's feet, tears in large drops trickling down her cheeks.
Her nurse was kneeling between the widow and Mrs. Smith, her arms extended. In one hand she held an ineffectual cordial, which she had just been offering to her dying mistress; her face was swoln with weeping (though used to such scenes as this); and she turned her eyes towards me, as if she called upon me by them to join in the helpless sorrow; a fresh stream bursting from them as I approached the bed.
The maid of the house with her face upon her folded arms, as she stood leaning against the wainscot, more audibly exprest her grief than any of the others.
The lady had been silent a few minutes, and speechless, as they thought, moving her lips without uttering a word; one hand, as I said, in her cousin's. But when Mrs. Lovick, on my approach, pronounced my name, O Mr. Belford, said she, with a faint inward voice, but very distinct nevertheless--Now!--Now! [in broken periods she spoke]--I bless God for his mercies to his poor creature--all will soon be over--a few--a very few moments--will end this strife--and I shall be happy!
Comfort here, Sir--turning her head to the Colonel--comfort my cousin --see! the blame--able kindness--he would not wish me to be happy --so soon!
Here she stopt for two or three minutes, earnestly looking upon him. Then resuming, My dearest Cousin, said she, be comforted--what is dying but the common lot?--The mortal frame may seem to labour--but that is all!--It is not so hard to die as I believed it to be!--The preparation is the difficulty--I bless God, I have had time for that--the rest is worse to beholders, than to me!--I am all blessed hope--hope itself. She looked what she said, a sweet smile beaming over her countenance.
After a short silence, Once more, my dear Cousin, said she, but still in broken accents, commend me most dutifully to my father and mother--There she stopt. And then proceeding--To my sister, to my brother, to my uncles--and tell them, I bless them with my parting breath--for all their goodness to me--even for their displeasure, I bless them--most happy has been to me my punishment here! Happy indeed!