LETTER XX MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWESAT. AFTERNOON.
The expected conference is over: but my difficulties are increased. This, as my mother was pleased to tell me, being the last persuasory effort that is to be attempted, I will be particular in the account of it as my head and my heart will allow it to be.
I have made, said she, as she entered my room, a short as well as early dinner, on purpose to confer with you: and I do assure you, that it will be the last conference I shall either be permitted or inclined to hold with you on the subject, if you should prove as refractory as it is imagined you will prove by some, who are of opinion, that I have not the weight with you which my indulgence deserves. But I hope you will convince as well them as me of the contrary.
Your father both dines and sups at your uncle's, on purpose to give us this opportunity; and, according to the report I shall make on his return, (which I have promised shall be a very faithful one,) he will take his measures with you.
I was offering to speak--Hear, Clarissa, what I have to tell you, said she, before you speak, unless what you have to say will signify to me your compliance--Say--Will it?--If it will, you may speak.
I was silent.
She looked with concern and anger upon me--No compliance, I find!-- Such a dutiful young creature hitherto!--Will you not, can you not, speak as I would have you speak?--Then [rejecting me as it were with her hand] continue silent.--I, no more than your father, will bear your avowed contradiction.
She paused, with a look of expectation, as if she waited for my consenting answer.
I was still silent; looking down; the tears in my eyes.
O thou determined girl!--But say--Speak out--Are you resolved to stand in opposition to us all, in a point our hearts are set upon?
May I, Madam, be permitted to expostulate?--
To what purpose expostulate with me, Clarissa? Your father is determined. Have I not told you there is no receding; that the honour as well as the interest of the family is concerned? Be ingenuous: you used to be so, even occasionally against yourself:--Who at the long run must submit--all of us to you; or you to all of us?--If you intend to yield at last if you find you cannot conquer, yield now, and with a grace--for yield you must, or be none of our child.
I wept. I knew not what to say; or rather how to express what I had to say.
Take notice, that there are flaws in your grandfather's will: not a shilling of that estate will be yours, if you do not yield. Your grandfather left it to you, as a reward of your duty to him and to us --You will justly forfeit it, if--
Permit me, good Madam, to say, that, if it were unjustly bequeathed me, I ought not to wish to have it. But I hope Mr. Solmes will be apprised of these flaws.
This is very pertly said, Clarissa: but reflect, that the forfeiture of that estate, through your opposition, will be attended with the total loss of your father's favour: and then how destitute must you be; how unable to support yourself; and how many benevolent designs and good actions must you give up!
I must accommodate myself, Madam, in the latter case, to my circumstance: much only is required where much is given. It becomes me to be thankful for what I have had. I have reason to bless you, Madam, and my good Mrs. Norton, for bringing me up to be satisfied with little; with much less, I will venture to say, than my father's indulgence annually confers upon me.--And then I thought of the old Roman and his lentils.