Letter No. 263. Tuesday, January 1, 1712. Steele.
Gratulor quod eum quem necesse erat diligere, qualiscunque esset,
talem habemus ut libenter quoque diligamus.
Trebonius apud Tull.
Mr, SPECTATOR,
I am the happy Father of a very towardly Son, in whom I do not only
see my Life, but also my Manner of Life, renewed. It would be
extremely beneficial to Society, if you would frequently resume
Subjects which serve to bind these sort of Relations faster, and
endear the Ties of Blood with those of Good-will, Protection,
Observance, Indulgence, and Veneration. I would, methinks, have this
done after an uncommon Method, and do not think any one, who is not
capable of writing a good Play, fit to undertake a Work wherein there
will necessarily occur so many secret Instincts, and Biasses of human
Nature which would pass unobserved by common Eyes. I thank Heaven I
have no outrageous Offence against my own excellent Parents to answer
for; but when I am now and then alone, and look back upon my past
Life, from my earliest Infancy to this Time, there are many Faults
which I committed that did not appear to me, even till I my self
became a Father. I had not till then a Notion of the Earnings of
Heart, which a Man has when he sees his Child do a laudable Thing, or
the sudden Damp which seizes him when he fears he will act something
unworthy. It is not to be imagined, what a Remorse touched me for a
long Train of childish Negligencies of my Mother, when I saw my Wife
the other Day look out of the Window, and turn as pale as Ashes upon
seeing my younger Boy sliding upon the Ice. These slight Intimations
will give you to understand, that there are numberless little Crimes
which Children take no notice of while they are doing, which upon
Reflection, when they shall themselves become Fathers, they will look
upon with the utmost Sorrow and Contrition, that they did not regard,
before those whom they offended were to be no more seen. How many
thousand Things do I remember, which would have highly pleased my
Father, and I omitted for no other Reason, but that I thought what he
proposed the Effect of Humour and old Age, which I am now convinced
had Reason and good Sense in it. I cannot now go into the Parlour to
him, and make his Heart glad with an Account of a Matter which was of
no Consequence, but that I told it, and acted in it. The good Man and
Woman are long since in their Graves, who used to sit and plot the
Welfare of us their Children, while, perhaps, we were sometimes
laughing at the old Folks at another End of the House. The Truth of it
is, were we merely to follow Nature in these great Duties of Life,
tho we have a strong Instinct towards the performing of them, we
should be on both Sides very deficient. Age is so unwelcome to the
Generality of Mankind, and Growth towards Manhood so desirable to all,
that Resignation to Decay is too difficult a Task in the Father; and
Deference, amidst the Impulse of gay Desires, appears unreasonable to
the Son. There are so few who can grow old with a good Grace, and yet
fewer who can come slow enough into the World, that a Father, were he
to be actuated by his Desires, and a Son, were he to consult himself
only, could neither of them behave himself as he ought to the other.