Letter No. 241. Thursday, December 6, 1711. Addison.
--Semperque relinqui
Sola sibi, semper longam incomitata videtur
Ire viam--
Virg.
Mr. SPECTATOR,
Though you have considered virtuous Love inmost of its Distresses, I
do not remember that you have given us any Dissertation upon the
Absence of Lovers, or laid down any Methods how they should support
themselves under those long Separations which they are sometimes
forced to undergo. I am at present in this unhappy Circumstance,
having parted with the best of Husbands, who is abroad in the Service
of his Country, and may not possibly return for some Years. His warm
and generous Affection while we were together, with the Tenderness
which he expressed to me at parting, make his Absence almost
insupportable. I think of him every Moment of the Day, and meet him
every Night in my Dreams. Every thing I see puts me in mind of him. I
apply myself with more than ordinary Diligence to the Care of his
Family and his Estate; but this, instead of relieving me, gives me but
so many Occasions of wishing for his Return. I frequent the Rooms
where I used to converse with him, and not meeting him there, sit down
in his Chair, and fall a weeping. I love to read the Books he
delighted in, and to converse with the Persons whom he esteemed. I
visit his Picture a hundred times a Day, and place myself over-against
it whole Hours together. I pass a great part of my Time in the Walks
where I used to lean upon his Arm, and recollect in my Mind the
Discourses which have there passed between us: I look over the several
Prospects and Points of View which we used to survey together, fix my
Eye upon the Objects which he has made me take notice of, and call to
mind a thousand [agreeable] Remarks which he has made on those
Occasions. I write to him by every Conveyance, and contrary to other
People, am always in good Humour when an East-Wind blows, because it
seldom fails of bringing me a Letter from him. Let me entreat you,
Sir, to give me your Advice upon this Occasion, and to let me know how
I may relieve my self in this my Widowhood.
I am, SIR, Your most humble Servant,
ASTERIA.
Absence is what the Poets call Death in Love, and has given Occasion to abundance of beautiful Complaints in those Authors who have treated of this Passion in Verse. Ovid's Epistles are full of them. Otway's Monimia talks very tenderly upon this Subject. [1]
--It was not kind
To leave me like a Turtle, here alone,
To droop and mourn the Absence of my Mate.
When thou art from me, every Place is desert:
And I, methinks, am savage and forlorn.
Thy Presence only tis can make me blest,
Heal my unquiet Mind, and tune my Soul.
The Consolations of Lovers on these Occasions are very extraordinary. Besides those mentioned by Asteria, there are many other Motives of Comfort, which are made use of by absent Lovers.
I remember in one of Scudery's Romances, a Couple of honourable Lovers agreed at their parting to set aside one half Hour in the Day to think of each other during a tedious Absence. The Romance tells us, that they both of them punctually observed the Time thus agreed upon; and that whatever Company or Business they were engaged in, they left it abruptly as soon as the Clock warned them to retire. The Romance further adds, That the Lovers expected the Return of this stated Hour with as much Impatience, as if it had been a real Assignation, and enjoyed an imaginary Happiness that was almost as pleasing to them as what they would have found from a real Meeting. It was an inexpressible Satisfaction to these divided Lovers, to be assured that each was at the same time employ'd in the same kind of Contemplation, and making equal Returns of Tenderness and Affection.